i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize