He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize