Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
