dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love accidental penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
