Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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