Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Randomize
