It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
