i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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