what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
