Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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