It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize