yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
