If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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