White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
