We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
