That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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