I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
