I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she looked like the before picture.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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