she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
