It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
