Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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