I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
