Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
