now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
