This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
