she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize