He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this will be a night to untag.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
