The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
