Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize