Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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