I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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