The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
