News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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