I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
