Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I stole a fireplace last night.
Found the puke drawer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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