Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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