I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
