You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
