She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
