this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
