Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
