Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
