There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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