i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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