I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
