just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
