Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
