Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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