Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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