Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
