my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
