just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I touched a dick in church today
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
