I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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