I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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