Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
