what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
