Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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