I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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