Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
