smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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