End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
