Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
