On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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