I cockslap morals
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
