you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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